Most people dream of falling in love, having a romantic relationship, finding a soulmate and building a relationship. But what if falling in love is your number one fear? The intrusive thoughts expressed as a conscious and unconscious fear of falling in love and is called philophobia.
- a person who has philophobia may be a gloomy loner or “soul of a company”
- he or she does not want to have children or may be a parent of many children
- he or she may be neat or in bad condition
- he or she may have a beautiful body or prone to obesity
- he or she may have an intimate relationship or completely refuse to have sex
But all people with philophobia has one trait – the inability and unwillingness to have a trusting relationship with the opposite sex. At the same time, people suffering from philophobia are often not aware of their problem. They maintain the lifestyle that suits them. People with philophobia build their own world where they feel safe and comfortable.
The higher the barrier between the outside world and the inner world, the faster fear develops and it is difficult for people with philophobia to let someone into their territory, to open their soul, to share their feelings and thoughts.
As a result, a person constantly feels unhappy. He lacks the emotional contact since communication with colleagues and friends does not bring satisfaction. All attempts to create a close relationship lead to short-lasting sexual relations that cause the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness of existence.
What causes philophobia?
An ideal image of a partner formed in childhood
The image of the father or mother who are an example and romantic stories of the noble men and beautiful girls create the excessive demands towards chosen one.
Formation of negative attitude towards the opposite sex in childhood
Scandals, physical abuse, infidelity lead to the development of fear of creating a family.
The first love and broken heart
Romance in adolescence is always very emotional and any disappointment leaves a scar in the human psyche, sometimes affecting the rest of a person’s life.
Bad sexual experience
Rape, rude and cynical attitude of the partner may lead to irresistible fear of further relations in both men and women.
People often stop dealing with the opposite sex, become detached, blame themselves or their spouses.
Loss of a loved one
After the death, deficiencies are forgotten and the image of a loved one becomes ideal.
There are no people who have not experienced any of these events but not everyone develops philophobia.
The fear of love occurs because of:
- an inferiority complex
- the fear of losing independence
- instability of the human psyche
- the inability to take responsibility for one’s decisions and actions
- unwillingness to care about anyone
Close friends and family members notice changes in a person’s character and behavior:
- A person tries to spend his spare time alone or prefers to be in a noisy society
- He or she pays too much attention to his appearance or vice versa
- He or she wants to have a family but does not take any action
- Meeting with a potential partner is ended by brief sexual contact.
- The character gets worse – irritability, nervousness, irascibility
- Sleep problems
- Low mood
If you are told that you have some of these signs mentioned above and you’ve noticed unpleasant changes, maybe it is needed to think about changes in your life. First of all, it is necessary to understand and accept your hidden fears. You may be afraid:
- to lose freedom and independence
- to be disappointed in the chosen one
- to get rid of habits
- to lose a loved one
There are many other fears which do not allow you to have a permanent relationship.
Awareness of the problem is the first step to solving it. Good results are achieved by autogenic training in order to improve self-esteem and create an optimistic attitude towards the circumstances of life, expand the circle of communication and change the environment. A competent psychotherapist helps to choose an appropriate treatment.
If personality changes take more serious nature, medications may be used. Philophobia is completely cured if the patient is interested in it.